Bye-bye, Psychman

OK, so this has taken a while to get to #becausereasons

I did have to laugh (internally) at the scene in the psych’s office each week — comfortable chair, medium lighting, psych in a sports jacket and slacks. There’s nothing at all wrong with that, it’s just so stereotypical, all it needed was a pipe 🙂

I did nine or ten sessions, but that’s the end of it for me at the moment. The website blurb for this particular psych promised: “…we develop a treatment plan that we refer back to and adjust throughout treatment to ensure positive results…” but this never happened. No structure or direction at all, but lots of comments about what a long-term process it all is. No surprises, with no plan, it’s like driving without a map/GPS and hoping you arrive at some destination sometime, all the while feeding 100 bills into the machine to keep it running.

It also drove me nuts that the entire session pretty much hinged on what I said after the “well, is there something you’d like to talk about today?” question. Given the real answer is always: “No, not really, because you want me to talk about myself,” it was difficult. I started keeping a journal so I’d have something to talk about, but made the mistake of mentioning it, and then we had a discussion about how that level of planning was unnecessary, or something, and that was pretty much when I decided to not bother with it any more.

I’m not sure my brain is wired for this stuff anyway. I’m far more interested in talking about things, rather than me, so discussions would always veer off into discussions about what memory actually is, or what “truth” is, or why particular words are guaranteed to trigger a psych, and so on. Interesting, but not $200/hour interesting.

Bottom line, given I hate talking about myself, and I hate undirected time, this was never going to work for me.

As my doc says, maybe revisit the idea in a few months, but I picked this psych pretty carefully, and it was nothing like right, so I dunno.

Frustrating.

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